What did we do last night that was yellow?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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