never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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