Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
