I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
