I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
