Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
