he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
