tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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