I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
