How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
