just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
