dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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