went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
