Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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