My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
