This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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