I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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