My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
