PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
