How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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