Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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