So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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