i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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