Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
