I just saw a hot homeless man
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
