evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it hurts more in the daytime
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
