Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
