i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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