my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
