I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
