dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
