Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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