My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
