Duck Duck Cougar?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
