Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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