Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
