shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
