my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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