How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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