Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
