He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
