i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
