Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
