oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
