He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
