He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
