glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
