Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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