Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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