Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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