I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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