Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
